Perspective

Last night was the first time I’ve done the nighttime routine solo in a looong time. No idea why Jake can’t just walk into court and say, “I’m sorry I don’t have the motion for summary judgment, Your Honor. I fell sleep shushing my twins as they cried for nine hours,” or simply “I have twins,” but whatever. So, it was two against one during the girls’ fussiest hours. Lots of fun ensued.

First, a stroller ride. Pretty uneventful.

Next, baths. First, Samantha since she seemed in the better mood. Looks can be deceiving. Bathed her while Amelia cried on the bed by herself. Sad 🙁 Then wrapped up Samantha in her towel to dry (sounds like I’m describing laundry) while it was Amelia’s turn in the bath. Her whimpers turned to full on banshee screams about half-way through. Meanwhile, Samantha realized she had been left all alone for the wolves to come and eat her, so she started joining the crying session as well. By the time I got Amelia out of the bath, both girls were crying and seemed to be feeding off of one another’s negative energy. Next time I’m by myself, I’m definitely skipping the bath.

After getting them dressed in their pj’s and sleep sacks, it was bottle time. There are two options for feeding when I’m alone. Option 1: Put two boppies on the bed and place one twin in each boppy. Prop the bottles, one in each hand, whilst leaning my elbows on the bed and bending over so that my legs spread out behind me in a lunge…more comfortable for long-term standing. Roll up a blanket under the bottle of Twin A while burping Twin B. Usually, the baby will decide to jerk her head while I’m burping the other twin, the bottle will fall, and crying commences until burping is done. Trade and repeat.

Option 2: Pick up a baby, one at a time and bring her over to the double rocking chair. Place one twin in a boppy on one side of the chair and sit in the other side with the other baby. Hold the bottle with right hand for the baby in the boppy. Place the other baby’s head down on the arm rest and her body in lap. Twist my left arm until the bottle can reach the baby.

Option 1 is more tiring, but allows for more range of motion in case one of the babies has a total meltdown and I have to pick her up, so that’s what I chose for last night’s feeding.

After bottles, it was rocking/earplugs/go-to-happy-place time. There are also two options for holding two babies at a time. Option one: In the double rocking chair, manuever the baby on the left into crook of arm. With right arm, scoop right hand and forearm underneath baby in the boppy and turn her gently so that she is resting on my side. Pop in binkies with teeth/chin. Rock back and forth until babies pass out or I go crazy, whichever comes first.

Option 2: Put both babies in boppies on the bed. Recline on the bed with several pillows behind back and pillows on either side of arms. Grab Twin A and place on left pillow. Grab Twin B and place on right pillow. Place Twin A on her side, resting against my stomach/chest. Scoop up Twin B with hand/forearm/thigh and place her in the same position on the right side. This works well when the twins are not wriggling around and are not particularly fussy, which wasn’t this night, unfortunately.

“SAMANTHA SAID THAT IF I FALL ASLEEP, SHE’S GOING TO SHAVE OFF ONE OF MY EYEBROWS” cried Amelia, whose eyes kept slowly shutting and then popping back open fearfully, as if by sheer will. 

Just when I was feeling all sorry for myself, I saw an email from a friend who asked how the girls were doing, and then proceeded to list all the reasons my life is good right now:

“And THIS is still the easy part!!!” she said.  “Wait until you get to the part where they:

• Turn bowls of salsa upside down on your fresh clean tablecloth or carpet 
• Try to see if your cell phone can “swim” in the toilet bowl
• Lodge a penny up their nose
• Discard their diapers behind a chair where you won’t find it for days
• Paint Bandit green
• Refuse to leave the house without EVERY toy they own because it’s their FAVORRRRRRRRRRRRRITEEEEEE
• Stroke your freshly washed hair with jelly-covered fingers
• Insist on bring their slingshot to the park – (which just happens to be your bra!)”