Time. Please STOP. No really, PLEASE STOP. I remember those early, sleepless, survival-mode first weeks with Samantha and Amelia and thinking ahead to what it would be like when they were one. It seemed like an eternity away and I honestly never thought I would make it. But here we are a year later. Still alive…barely. And it all happened in the blink of an eye.

I’m not going to lie. It hasn’t all been rainbows and unicorns, especially the first three months during which I came to understand why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I remember those late afternoons of desperately propping both screaming girls in their boppies on the bed and listening to music, dancing or just lying there with my ears covered, hoping that Jake was on his way home to rescue us.

I also won’t say that it necessarily got easier as time went on, just different. Things changed, feedings became more efficient, the girls started sleeping more at night, yes. But with the better sleeping came the challenges of keeping them entertained during the day. With simpler feedings, came introducing solid foods and all the work that came from preparing meals for them. With sitting up and then crawling, came baby-proofing the house and figuring out how to keep one twin at bay while chasing down the other. With each passing day, my strength and ability to adapt to the girls’ changing needs increased, but oftentimes, just when I felt like I had everything figured out…the girls would change up the routine and I’d be back at square one.

That said, ONE is my favorite stage yet. I know, I know–I say that about every stage! But that’s just it– with every new month comes new milestones and amazing ways in which the girls interact with me, the world and each other. That’s what has made this year so wonderful…each month has built upon the next, to the point that I find myself clinging to whatever phase the girls are currently in while simultaneously declaring I can’t wait for the next stage to begin.  I love being excited about what happens next.

I used to say that I liked teaching because it always kept me on my toes and presented some new challenge every day when I walked into the classroom. I have found the same to be true with having the girls, except times that by a billion! The challenges of the past year are what have made it so memorable. Navigating those challenges, whether the normal first-time parenting challenges, or twin-specific issues,  kept us a on a year-long roller coaster ride that, I suspect, is not over yet. It’s been fast, thrilling, and sometimes a bit scary, but overall, I can honestly say it’s been THE BEST RIDE EVER.

Then, there’s the fact that we have two birthdays to celebrate today. With all the craziness and downright HARD WORK it has taken to learn how in the world to take care of the girls, it has been the most fun we’ve ever had. Nothing compares, really. It’s hard to say what life would have been like this past year if we only had Samantha, or if we only had Amelia. It may have been easier. Or we may have been just as stressed out, being first-time parents and not knowing any different. All I know is, life is unimaginable without the two of them and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s easy to get caught up in all the nitty-gritty details of feeding two, diapering two, dealing with sickness times two, entertaining two, and chasing two, and forget that the fact that we have two human beings who literally began as one tiny zygote and split, creating two identical embryos, is nothing short of a miracle. The fun, the attention, the mystery behind it all is SO intense, SO overwhelming, SO wonderful, that I often feel as if I’m just going to burst into a a million happy pieces with the fun of it all.

Watching Samantha grow up is so fun. Watching Amelia grow up is so fun. But somehow, watching the two of them grow up together, knowing they have been together since the womb, makes it all the more wonderful. It’s hard to pin point exactly what makes it so amazing. It’s more than just having two cuddly babies to hold and sing to and dress up. More than the attention we automatically receive or the instant connection we have with other parents of multiples and being in the “twin club.”  It’s watching Amelia learn to crawl EXACTLY two weeks after Samantha, a pattern that began in the womb. Or seeing them sprout the EXACT same teeth at the EXACT same time. Or listening to them babble to each other in the their cribs in the morning when they don’t know I’m listening. Simply put, there’s not a day that goes by when there’s not a crazy, beautiful, mystical moment that I want to freeze and store away forever.  When I see the girls reaching out to hold hands, or hug each other, or follow each other around the house like little puppies, it’s just so much cuteness overload that I think, “How could I possibly be this lucky to be a part of this every single day?” We are so, so blessed.

I love Samantha and Amelia individually. They are unique human beings, with slightly different looks and completely different personalities at times. But I also love the girls as a pair, too. Even though all the books tell you to be careful about identifying the girls as “the twins” or calling too much attention to the fact that they are twins, their twin-hood will always be a part of their identity, and I think that’s a wonderful thing.

Of course, I hope that they feel confident in their own individual personalities and strengths, but I also hope that they take pride in the fact that they are twins. I hope it makes them feel special, because it IS special. I hope they feel blessed to have a built-in playmate, to have someone who truly understands them because they ARE them to a degree, to always have a best friend. Simply having twins is amazing…I can’t even imagine how amazing it would be to BE a twin!

We are now officially past year one and onto year two, but it doesn’t feel real. I’ve prepared myself the past month, telling myself that YES, you really have made it one year, and YES, the girls are getting older, and YES, you will miss their cute baby cheeks, but you will also fall in love with their cute toddler cheeks and their cute toddler hands and their cute toddler speech. And yet, I’m still in total denial. No, they can’t be one already. No, I was just taking them around the block for their first stroller ride. No, just a few minutes ago, I was helping them with tummy time. It can’t be, but it is.

 It feels like we are on a long hike and have just made it to a scenic overlook, awestruck at how far we’ve climbed, and looking forward to the exciting path that lies ahead. If you are thinking that this post is positively dripping with hyperbole, you are right–but I assure you, I still can’t find the words to describe HALF of the love, joy, and amazement I feel when I look back on the memories from this first year.

FIRST year. As in, there will be many more YEARS with many more adorable hand-holding twin moments, matching outfits, double the cuddles, tiny voices babbling in their own language, and so much twin magic, I just won’t be able to handle it.

Now THAT’S something to celebrate.

I love you, Samantha and Amelia. Happy first birthday, my darling angels!

Lots of love,

Dear Amelia,

Today, you are ONE year old. It amazes me how a year and eight months ago, you were just a couple of cells and now you are a beautiful, energetic, intelligent little (or should I say big) girl! I still remember going to Labor and Delivery several times when I was pregnant with you, worried that you and your sister were going to come too early. The nurses would place the heartbeat monitors on my belly and would always be able to find Samantha in seconds. You, on the other hand, were another story. The nurse would find your little heartbeat, only to lose it a second later because you were moving around so much! The nurses started calling you the “Infamous Twin B” and joked that you liked to party, especially late at night! One year later, you are STILL a little wiggle worm, always moving, always the life of the party.

 Two minutes after Samantha was born, I saw your little 5 pound 8 ounce body and was at first, terrified, because you didn’t seem to be screaming like Samantha was. A few seconds later, you started crying softly, but looked more curious about everything than scared. You are still my quiet(er), observant one– you love to take in the world around you.

 You have brought so much laughter into our lives from the day we first met you. During the times your were awake your first few weeks of life, you would make us smile lifting your arm up high, as if asking a question in school, and making your “O face,” where you would purse your lips into a perfect little “O.” You were the first to give us a real smile at four weeks old, and haven’t stopped since.

You definitely had your bad moods, and in fact, for the first few months, I would describe you as the more volatile twin…you could go 0 to 60 in two seconds flat! Overall though, you have always been extremely good natured and a “go with the flow” kind of girl!

Now, you love to get me or daddy to chase you and you giggle in delight when we finally catch you. You squeal when we play Itsy Bitsy Spider or Pat a Cake and your favorite thing to do when you get out of your high chair is to race for the stairs, looking back for a second to make sure I’m watching before you disappear around the corner, giggling and taunting me to come grab you.

Besides your sister, your best friend in the world is Bandit. You love to grab his leash and “walk” him when we go outside, and he generally lets you. You love walking Bandit so much that you have even appropriated one of the stuffed animal backpacks with a lead on it into your very own doggie to walk. You won’t go anywhere without dragging your doggie along…even in your high chair!

Although you have always been a pound or two smaller than Samantha, you hold your own with her. Since you are easy-going, when Samantha steals a toy from you, you usually let her have it and happily go find something else to play with, but, when you really want something, you know how to show her who’s boss!

I love when you are willing to cuddle since you are usually on the move and wiggle out of my lap if I try and hold you. Ever the independent girl, you were the first to stop wanting to be spoon fed and still insist on picking up your own food, even if it’s a struggle for you to do so. You eat everything and anything…sometimes to your own detriment as you love to pick up sand and, especially bits of paper to stuff in your mouth. I know whenever you have a bit of something you are not supposed to because you will look guilty and start giving me a slobbery, toothy grin. You will then attempt to run away when I try and grab you to extract whatever it is you are chewing on. Silly Amelia!

Your absolute favorite time of the day is when Daddy comes home and throws you in the air or puts you on his shoulders. You also love playing on the jungle gym Daddy made you. You are extremely STRONG and can do pull-ups almost on your own. Maybe you will turn out to be a gymnast!

Even though you are constantly on the move, you seem to think deeply about the world around you. When we are outside, you love to stare up at the sky, or look closely at a blade of grass, completely in your own little world. You love to watch people and after keenly observing something, you will often copy it. You love to shake your head back and forth, really quickly and we think you like it because it makes you dizzy.

You are so much fun to be around! When I pick you up out of your high chair, we fly around the room and sing “Flying Trapeze” while chasing Bandit or swinging into Samantha. When you only a few months old, we would show you the owls in the mural in your room that Grandma Celeste painted and you would smile and giggle every time. I think you love animals!

When Samantha started rolling over, sitting up and crawling, you desperately wanted to do the same things as well and got so frustrated trying. You never gave up though. You were the first to play peekaboo by hiding under your blanket and the first to start waving and clapping.  You were also the first to sprout teeth, and now have six of them, four of which have come in within the past few weeks!

You are such a sweet little sister (by two minutes, so don’t let her hold that over you!) and a good influence on Samantha. I hope you are always best friends. While you have similar features to your sister, you are definitely your own individual person and we are excited to see how your personality will develop.

Amelia, we can’t wait to see what new and exciting things you will learn this coming year. It makes us so happy to watch you grow and see the world through your little eyes. Everything is amazing to you and we love that about you. We have had the time of our lives with you this year, and although it’s been challenging to say the least, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I am forever grateful to have you as a daughter.

Happy first birthday, Amelia Bug!

I love you,

 Mommy

Dear Samantha,

One year ago, I was wheeled into the OR to be prepped and ready to meet you for the first time. It was all so fast and all I remember is wondering how long the c-section would take and if I would feel anything, when BAM, at 12:12 p.m., there you were, all 6 pounds, 9 ounces of you, screaming your head off. You are still my LOUD baby. You know what you want and you make sure to tell us, whether that’s for more food, wanting to be held, or just to hear the sound of your own screech and giggle!

Then, I blinked, and you were ONE.

You, Samantha, are the rock, steady and strong. You never budged from your spot closest to the birth canal, thereby qualifying you for “Twin A” and first-born status. You clearly did not want to give up being first place in line, and still stubbornly hold your ground when you want something. Daddy says you got that from me, but I still maintain that I don’t know where you got it from!

Self-confident and fearless, you simultaneously love to have the reassurance from me and Daddy. You always check to make sure one of us is near before venturing off too far and often follow us around like a puppy, reaching your arms high to be picked up. You love to spontaneously crawl in my lap for a story and you will fight Amelia to be held if she is already in my lap.

Even though you like to have reassurance, you are so brave and adaptable. When you were almost five months old, you started wearing a little helmet 24/7 to correct the flat spot on the back of your head that formed after being squished by Amelia for eight months in the womb.  I was so fearful that you would be miserable in your helmet, especially during those hot summer months, but you took it all in stride and barely seemed to notice. You still looked as beautiful as ever in your little pink helmet and took advantage of the extra head protection by using it to bang into things!

One of your favorite past times is stealing your sister’s wub or a toy out of her hands, and recently, she has fought back a little, which has surprised you! Wherever she is, you want to be, whether that’s climbing up the stairs or talking to her over the crib rails. I hope you will always be best friends!

You love to play games and enjoy mimicking us. One of your favorites is standing up when we say, “Up!” and bending your knees all the way down when we say, “Down!” You also enjoy dancing around your room with me and dancing in your crib to your classical music. I think you have an ear for rhythm and rhyme as you love banging spoons or toys together to the beat.

You also enjoy stories and you will sit in my lap and turn the pages of your books over and over again. Your favorites are touching the fur and scales on the animals in your baby animals book. I remember you being only a few months old and figuring out how to turn the pages!

When you were a few months old, every time you would stare up and look at our ceiling fan, you’d get a huge grin on your face and start giggling. We started saying, “Hello, Mr. Fan!” and you’d smile at your old friend. Then, without warning, you’d get a terrified look on your face and burst into tears, while looking at the same fan! You are quite the character, Samantha.

You are also very sneaky, especially when it comes to stealing toys from your sister. One day, we were about to go out to eat and were looking for your sister’s wub everywhere. We finally decided to leave without ever finding it and picked you up to go to the car. I noticed a lump under your jacket when I picked you up, so I reached in, and sure enough, you had hidden your sister’s monkey pacifier under your jacket! You looked very pleased with yourself!

You are happiest when I give you a plate full of cut-up frozen blueberries and some cheese. You are in heaven, then! You’ve always loved your bottle, as well, which may explain why you are a good two pounds heavier than your sister.

You have always been the leader when it came to rolling over, crawling and standing, with your sister following closely behind. Although you are sometimes jealous when I’m holding Amelia, you always laugh whenever I’m dancing or singing with your sister. I know you love to see her happy.

Samantha, we feel incredibly blessed that you came into our lives and are so excited to get to know you better over the next year. You are beautiful, inside and out, and bring so much joy and light to everyone who knows you. Thank you for sharing this year with us. Happy first birthday, Samantha Bear!

I love you,

Mommy

Amelia set a new land-speed record for destroying her monthly sticker. This time, she grabbed it out of a ziploc baggy which was inside the diaper bag, pulled the sticker out and started eating it before we even left the house. I swear that thing gives out a radar signal or something.