swim nazi

Back in May, we started twice a week swim lessons with Ms. Conni (a.k.a. the Swim Nazi) for the second year. Last year, our lessons were in the afternoon when the twins were incredibly cranky and we were all HANGRY (especially me, since I was pregnant with Meredith at the time). Jake and I both had to be in the pool with the twins at that age and I remember feeling nauseated from the pregnancy and being out in the sweltering afternoon heat, not to mention the fact that the twins (and most of the other kids) cried for a good portion of the lesson until it was playtime at the end.

We had a few rough patches for a few weeks this year, but overall it’s been so much better; mostly, because this year, I can sit back and relax (DRY) instead of swimming with them. The lessons before ours is the one for the young toddlers, which we did last year, and it’s hilarious watching all the moms in the pools with their crying kids… that was me last year!

The girls started off their lessons having a blast the first few weeks.

Tube time to practice kicking.

There was one kid in their class who cried for his mom for several weeks starting on day one. I felt bad for his mom, who also had a baby the same age as Meredith there, but was secretly glad it wasn’t my kid (FORESHADOWING)!

Inexplicably, starting about Week 3 and ending Week 5, the twins had an epic swim lesson meltdown. It all started when Jake joined us for one of the lessons so he could see what he needed to practice in the pool with them. Amelia was fine, but while normally so happy in the pool, Samantha cried for Daddy the entire lesson. Ms. Conni and I laughed it off and blamed it on Jake’s presence. Dun…dun… dun….

Amelia tries to cheer up Samantha.

The next lesson, I was solo again and dealt with the worst public meltdown I have ever personally witnessed. I knew it was going to be a bad morning when, at breakfast, both Samantha and Amelia at reiterated that they didn’t want to go to swim lessons. I brushed it off and the entire way there in the car talked up all the fun toys and floaties they would be able to play with, not to mention the snack they would get at the end. I wasn’t against bribery at that point, either.

Both girls seemed calm at first, but when it was time to get in the pool, they both refused to budge. Ms. Conni is no-nonsense and told me to bring them over and she would take it from there, but from that moment on, the girls declared an all-out war.

Ms. Conni eventually got the girls in the pool, although not much in the way of learning happened as they were kicking and screaming. While she was working with one, she had the other one floating around in the pool in a tube so that she couldn’t escape!

A few minutes in, both girls started screaming that they had to go potty (they are smart!) and even though I knew they didn’t have to go since we had just gone, I had no choice but to take them anyway. They refused to come out of the bathroom and were having complete meltdowns by the pool.

I eventually convinced Samantha to get in and she was all smiles the last few minutes, but Ms. Conni had me keep Amelia out for the rest of the lesson because she was so hysterical.

Of course, the kid who had screamed the first few lessons, was by then, totally fine and happy in the pool. “At least I’m not alone!” said his mom. If nothing else, the experience definitely gave me empathy for others going through this!

During the fiasco, one of the other moms there was helping me with Meredith, thank goodness, and everyone gave me consoling pats on the back, pity all over their faces. One mom even offered me a glass of wine, at one point. It was that bad!

I was so traumatized that the next lesson, Jake had another attorney cover a hearing for him so that he could come with me in case it turned into another debacle. I don’t think he quite believed me when I said it was THE WORST LESSON EVER YOU HAVE NO IDEA, but by the end of this lesson, he knew I hadn’t been exaggerating!

The girls were hysterically adamant about not getting in the pool from the get-go and this time, instead of forcing them, we tried a different tack. Ms. Conni let them play with some toys near the edge of the pool, which they would only do if I sat right next to them. Anytime I moved so much as an inch back toward my chair, they started panicking and crying.

Here I am watching the girls’ “swim” lesson right next to them.

The last ten minutes of the lesson, we coaxed the girls into getting in and sitting on the steps, but they would sob every minute or so. I was torn between not wanting them to be traumatized about swimming, and wanting them to complete their lessons and overcome this bump in the road.

However, I knew that it wasn’t the water they were scared of because they absolutely love swimming with Jake in the pool. As a former UC diving and swim coach, Ms. Conni is firm, but very loving and fun, and the girls never had a problem with her before. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, other than three-year- olds will be three-year-olds. We decided to plow forward.

The next few lessons, Jake was my hero and took them by himself. When I came back, I heard nothing but glowing praise from Ms. Conni and the other moms about Jake, the Super Dad! “Dad of the Year,” Ms. Conni told me after recounting his amazing firm and calm attitude in the face of the screaming twinadoes.

After those first three bad lessons, Samantha was back to normal, and was happy in the pool, but Amelia continued her tantrums for a few lessons with Jake. She kept escaping from the pool and he literally threw her back in about fifteen times during one of the lessons.

On a positive note, Samantha stepped up and was an exemplary sister, trying to comfort and calm Amelia down several times. She would hold her hand and tell her, “I’m right here, sister!” Dying… so cute.

And just like that, by the end of Week 5, they were totally back to normal and having fun! I honestly have no idea what the deal was, but I’m proud of them for sticking with it. Threenagers? I think yes.

Ms. Conni always does a safety day where the kids have to come with their street clothes and shoes on to practice swimming with the added weight in order to simulate accidentally falling into a pool. It looked uncomfortable, but I guess they didn’t mind?! The twins always kill me with their belly flops… ouch!

We still have a few more weeks of lessons to go this summer and I hope we continue on the upward, non-meltdown trend!

Lots of love,

This summer, Samantha and Amelia took swim lessons from Ms. Conni (a.k.a. the Swim Nazi), a former head diving coach for UCI and private swim coach for the local nationally ranked swim team, the Nadadores. The Nadadores consistently send kids to the Olympics, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that their coaches mean business, hence the “Swim Nazi” nickname.

I had heard of Ms. Conni before from friends and people from church whose older kids were on the Nadadores, but had no idea she taught toddlers until I saw my friend, Crystal’s, 2.5 year old swimming like a fish at our neighborhood pool. Crystal herself had taken lessons from Ms. Conni when she was a toddler and now her little Kennedy does too.

I didn’t have any hope of getting in for the summer since I was told the Swim Nazi filled up her classes for the year once registration went out in January, but I contacted her anyway and was so happy to grab the last two spots in her very last session, even though we’d only get to do 10 lessons with her.

I heard from multiple parents that I should be prepared to cry– a lot– during the first few lessons after hearing stories of the Swim Nazi throwing babies in the pool while parents watched in horror, but it was nothing like that.

Samantha awaits her turn.

Ms. Conni was awesome and Samantha and Amelia immediately took to her, although I could see where the nickname, “Swim Nazi” came from. She was waaaaaay harder on the parents than she was on the kids. She would demonstrate a skill to work on, like how to get the kids to float on their backs, and then every few seconds would yell at us, “Not like that! How do you expect her to float when you are holding her neck like a crane?!!”

I was yelled at a few times for using the phrase, “under water.” “THAT CREATES A NEGATIVE CONNOTATION! USE THE TERM, ‘GETTING OUR EYES WET!”

Ok, whatever.

She consistently yelled at people for saying “Good job!” and instead commanded us to describe exactly what the kids had done right and then say, “You did it!” The girls still love to proclaim, “I did it!” whenever they feel they’ve accomplished something.

The Swim Nazi even doled out parenting advice. “WHY ARE YOU PHRASING THAT AS A QUESTION?” she chastised Jake when he asked Samantha if she could swim to the edge. “JUST SAY, ‘Show me how you can swim to the edge.'”

There was one older child who had a really hard time letting go of his mom the first lesson and screamed for the first 15 minutes. She simply gave him some time to scream, and then swam over to him and yelled, “EXCUSE ME. STOP.” And he did! We were in awe.

Lessons were not for the faint of heart or for parents who couldn’t take criticism, but the girls thought Ms. Conni was fun (getting to play with pool toys and blow bubbles after the lesson won them over) and I loved that she spent most of the time teaching the parents so that we could practice with the kids outside of class.

I also loved that Ms. Conni was a total– well– Nazi– about pool safety and all of our lessons were geared around that. In the past, we’ve put the girls in “fun” group lessons where we mostly swam around in circles singing Ring Around the Rosie. While those lessons were fun, the girls didn’t nail down many real skills.

The only downside was that since the only time slot we could get into was 5 p.m., the girls were always completely exhausted and hangry afterwards, not to mention my preggo self.

During one of her hangry moments, Samantha threw a complete tantrum at the end of her lesson. Ms. Conni simply came up to her and said gently, “We have to be quiet so that we can find the kitty cats.”

I was totally floored when Samantha stopped mid-scream and immediately became curious about the kitty cats. Apparently, this stuck with her, because even now, if I tell her to be quiet, she will talk about finding the kitty cats. Total genius.

I told Ms. Conni that I would love to hire her to follow me around all day and give me parenting advice!

The very last day of our session was safety day and Samantha and Amelia were required to jump into the pool with street clothes and shoes on, the idea being that many drownings happen when kids fall in the pool by accident. The girls hated every second of swimming with their clothes on, but even with all that extra weight, they passed with flying colors.

On the last day, they were allowed to jump off the diving board, which I didn’t think the girls would be interested in. Samantha surprised me by begging to go off. She actually did a few little jumps on the board before leaping into the pool, where Ms. Conni was waiting to make sure she did her back float successfully and help her reach the edge. It was awesome to see her fully clothed, leaping into the pool, coming up for air, getting to her back and then swimming to the edge of the pool.

I didn’t get the first jump on video, but we did get her back float. Not very pretty, but she did it! Not bad for ten lessons.

After watching her sister, Amelia decided she REALLY didn’t want to try the diving board, but Jake tossed her in anyway. She asked to go a few more times after the initial shock wore off.

We will be back for round two next year!

Lots of love,

Swim Lessons with Swim Nazi Season 2

The Swim Nazi

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